The Magic Of Asking
by Dr Eugene Sern-Ting Tan
“Metabolism is defined as the sum total of all the chemical reactions in the living organism.”
I was daydreaming in a world of my own, and it was only when the teacher began presenting another new topic before I realized that I did not understand the definition at all. I turned my head, and scanned the expressions on the faces of my classmates. They all looked very cool and confident, and nodded their heads as if they understood everything the teacher was saying. If I were to ask the teacher to repeat her earlier definition now, wouldn’t I be interrupting her train of thoughts, holding up everybody else’s time and worst of all, appearing like a complete fool ? With these terrible consequences in mind, I suppressed the urge to speak my mind.
Does the above scenario sound vaguely familiar to you? This was exactly what went through my mind as a student in a biology class in secondary school many years ago.
Understanding the Power of Asking
One of the greatest lessons I have ever learnt in life is knowing when and how to ask for what I want. That day, I sat through the whole lesson without asking a single question. Although my classmates may get the impression that I, too, am smart enough like them to understand everything, but deep down inside, I know that I’ve actually learnt nothing from the lesson. Consequently, I struggled with completing my assignment for that topic, unlike my classmates who simply breezed through. Had I clarified my doubts that day, nothing of this sort would have happened. This incident turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because from then on, I began to understand and harness the power of asking for what I want.
It is interesting to note that while many Singaporeans never fail to ask for discounts on anything they are buying, most of us are generally inhibited when it comes to asking for other things. Have you ever attempted to find your way to an unfamiliar location without asking for directions? You consult the road map, look at the street signs, and get hold of every clue you can lay your hands on, but just stop short of approaching strangers to ask for directions. Even though you may eventually arrive at your destination, you will invariably have wasted a lot of precious time and energy.
How can one avoid being distracted in class? Knowing your learning goals for each lesson and asking appropriate questions in class can be helpful in improving concentration. If you are distracted because you already know everything that is being taught, then instead of daydreaming or doodling, you can ask your teacher advanced or challenging questions to further your understanding of the subject matter. If you are distracted because you don’t understand what is being taught, then it is even more important for you to ask. If you are really embarrassed about asking in class, then at least see your teacher after the class to ask your questions. I am sure your teacher would be more than happy to clarify your doubts. The important thing is to ask, ask and ask!
Overcoming Barriers to Asking
Why is it that so few people actually ask for what they want? Research into human psychology has shown that there are 3 major barriers that STOP people from asking. In the following section, I will identify these barriers and share with you some surefire techniques for overcoming them.
Barrier #1: Assumptions
The first barrier to asking is false assumptions. The list of permutations of a person’s false assumptions can be mind-boggling. You may assume that your teacher doesn’t like you to disturb her with questions while she is teaching, so you keep your queries to yourself. You may think your teacher is busy with marking assignments or attending meetings after class, so you don’t approach him/her after the lesson to seek help. You may assume that everyone else knows the answer so you shouldn’t waste everyone’s time by asking the question in class. You may think your question is too silly to be asked. The list of false assumptions goes on.
So the next time a negative thought comes to your mind when you have a question to ask, remind yourself it’s just a FALSE assumption and go ahead with asking.
Barrier #2: Arrogance
The second barrier to asking is arrogance. This applies particularly to guys with over-inflated egos and girls with exaggerated self-esteem. They are too proud to admit they need anyone or anything, and will not stop to ask for directions, advice or help. If you happen to be one of these arrogant people, it’s not too late to change your mindset and behaviour. Pride will not get you far, but humility in knowing how to ask for what you want will.
Barrier #3: Fear
The third & most important barrier to asking is fear. According to psychologists, the main overriding fear that stops us from asking is the fear of rejection. For instance, you’re afraid that you will be turned down if you ask a favour from your friend. For many of us, an even greater paralyzing fear is that of looking stupid. You’re afraid that by asking others for what you want, you’ll come off looking like a moron, and end up being disliked by other people.
To quote American motivational speaker W. Clement Stone, “If there’s something to gain and nothing to lose by asking, then by all means, ask !” A great way to motivate yourself to ask is to remind yourself of the Nike slogan, “Just Do It.” In fact, best-selling author Susan Jeffers in her book titled “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” says you should take action courageously even when fearful.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly urge you to incorporate the habit of asking into your daily life. The importance of asking cannot be over-emphasized. While it is a fact that you may not always get what you ask for, it is also absolutely true that if you do not ask, you will never get what you want.
Remember, any wish can be granted, if you dare to ask!
“He who asks may look like a fool for a minute, but he who doesn’t ask will be a fool forever.”